The Smart Car Forfour is, generally speaking, attractive; and where it’s not attractive, it is weird enough to confuse you into finding it attractive. Mine came in a tangy orange that, coupled with its snub nose (the engine’s at the back), gave it the look of a novelty drink. Inside, the seats had a zippy, race-driver hardness, and the door stowage was done in a newfangled plasticised basket weave. I can’t imagine the person this would mean a lot to, but it was impossible not to notice. The interior was lively and intuitive: lots of fancy white stitching and bold, round and ovoid shapes – even the vents look perky.
In fact, I have just two complaints about the vehicle, which relate to its size. The Smart Car was put on Earth to be titchy: its entire allure lies in the fact that you can park it sideways and give almost nobody a lift anywhere. Once this idiosyncratic boon has been lost – the Forfour might have a truncated front, but it’s no smaller than about 100 other family cars – you’re left with traits that feel gimmicky, purposeless. I wouldn’t say it raised existential doubts about the point of a new-look anything, but if you were liable to get that kind of reaction to a car, this would be the one that did it.
One thing has remained eenie-weenie, and that is the engine – all 898ccs of it. I thought first was a moving-off gear until I met this car. I was dropping down and driving in it quite merrily after it coughed in third and wheezed in second; fourth and fifth were like special-occasion gears, to try out on bank holidays. It has a top speed of 102mph, and will inch up that way with surprising readiness, but the motorway drive is quite noisy; surprisingly, though, it is unperturbed by bumps in the road. City driving, which is what the whole thing’s meant to be all about, has manoeuvrability on its side, in an incredibly tight turning circle, though the wheel is a bit passive-aggressive: the distinctive shape and position promises to be in charge of steering but, when it comes down to it, is a bit vague and lagging. Plus, you’re beset with complaining noises and threats to stall, like the end of a three-month relationship you weren’t that invested in, and are surprised to find generated so much animus in such a short time.
The Forfour is pretty thrifty to run, mind; if I’d found it more enjoyable to drive, I would be using words such as “cheap” and “incredible”. The combined cycle claims 65mpg and the emissions are modest, limbo-ing under the ton to come in at 99g/km. I still wouldn’t buy it, but if I did, accidentally, I would salute myself for my modest needs.
Smart Car Forfour: in numbers
Price £12,910
Top speed 102mph
Acceleration 0-62mph in 11.2 seconds
Combined fuel consumption 65.7mpg
CO2 emissions 99g/km
Eco rating 9/10
Cool rating 5/10
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